“We can’t solve our problems with the same thinking used to create them.” – Albert Einstein

Years ago, I lived in an apartment infested with mites. Little green nasties in every crevice, which saw me as an endless buffet and mountain for their leisure strolls.

For months, I lost my reason, insects crawling on me, head to toe, night and day, wandering in my nose, ears, and worse. I was exasperated and defeated.

Oddly, however, they didn’t travel with me. When I left the apartment, they’d stay behind, waiting for me to return. I found freedom by escaping to places where I could exhaust time, pushing off hours, until my return.

When I got home, of course, I was Gulliver landing on Lilliput, again.

I treated the apartment with chemicals – store-bought, homemade, and organic. Nothing worked. I bombed and cleaned every day. The pests persisted. I went to a dermatologist who asked:

• Do I have any dogs or cats? No.
• Is anyone else (kids) being affected? No.
• Do I do drugs, specifically meth, crack, or cocaine? No.
  
• Has anyone every produced drugs in the apartment? uhhhhm… hold on, there.

As it turns out, the previous tenant was a crack dealer, cooking drugs in the basement in a makeshift room of tarps and plywood. My landlord told me this only after I’d moved in and asked about the property.

When I told my dermatologist, she suggested I was likely experiencing Delusional Parasitosis, a nasty side effect of prolonged exposure to chemicals used in the production of crack cocaine.

“The problem is all in your head and there are no bugs crawling on your body.” she told me.

My kids weren’t affected, because their bedrooms were out of range of the makeshift cooking room in the basement, so thankfully, they were safe. However, my bedroom was directly above the room, chemical dredge seeping upward to me.

After speaking with many people, one crazy recommendation to completely layer the house in Borax, the laundry detergent, would have any impact. I used three large boxes of Borax and covered every inch of the house, most in my room. I filled the cracks in the floor, dumped it into the vents, and poured it into window gaps.

Within two weeks, the problem pretty much disappeared. No creepies, crawlies, or anxiety. I was sleeping again. I was a brand new human being, weeping at the renewed freedom. It was, indeed, all in my head.

So, this roundabout story is to get to the point that often we encounter challenges that seem greater or more overpowering than we can handle. I’m going through it now, experiencing a lack of focus for time, efforts, and energy, and trying to get the things done, efficiently and toward success, without floundering or second-guessing.

It’s affecting many aspects of my life, interfering my rational thinking toward personal and career objectives. But, I know what I have to do to help myself resolve these challenges.

1. Stop catastrophic thinking: A destructive thought process that finds its way into rational thinking, sabotaging  positive possibilities and presenting worst case scenarios. “I’m going to buy a new outfit…” turns into, “…which will be too expensive, I can’t afford it, and I could lose my job then no one would love me and I’ll be alone in a shallow, dark grave of inhumanity!!!” Okay – I’m being dramatic, but you see the point.

2. Spin the positive thought: I often catch myself thinking, “this sucks,” “I hate that,” or “what’s the point?” Defeating thoughts are fun wreckers that serve to prevent light from shining on the possibilities that lie ahead for us. I try hard to finish those thoughts with a positive spin, no matter what my mood. “This sucks, but I can make it better,” or “I hate that, but I love this,” and “what’s the point? well, once I get past this, I can move on to that.”

3. Use a question mark, not a period: Every talk to someone who doesn’t ask you any questions about yourself? With someone who only makes statements of opinion or fact? These people are accustomed to closing all dialogue opportunities by simply applying a period to everything they say. If they’d just learn to apply a question mark, then a whole cascade of opportunities opens up. For me, I have nearly mastered the ability to ask questions of the people whom I engage. However, I do not do it just for the sake of doing it – I’m sincerely interested in that other person and the details of what they’re telling me. I can’t feign interest in someone, so if they’re genuinely uninteresting or not going to engage me with questions, then I will not pursue the dialogue.

I don’t just enjoy the information in the words people say, but also in the way they say them, their body language, and the chance to hone my conversational skills and become a better listener and human being. 

“I like the food you made” quickly becomes, “I like the food you made and wondered if it’s your own recipe?” In turn, the best answer goes from a simple, “thank you,” to an elated, “thank you, and no – it’s actually my great grandmother’s recipe from Greece, where she was born. Have you ever been there?” That’s where the beauty of true dialogue opportunity forms and information is shared, creating a bond.

I think that most of the problems we encounter exist in our heads. Real problems, of course, exist, and need to be addressed accordingly and responsibly to be resolved. But worry, anxiety, impatience, ignorance, or prejudice are problems that can be resolved simply by changing perspective and attitude, and and being open to new ideas.

And no, It’s not easy to just put the brakes on to our natural inclination to react and think. It takes great effort to reach in and change a negative outlook to a more positive one. It takes practice and a willingness to grasp the idea that maybe, just maybe, there’s a better way to do or look at something.

Love & cheers!